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Anxiety and Everything Else

by Dead Swans

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I found myself sinking at the edge of town, staring back with guilt I've held my breath for far too long, watery eyes, a mouth full of wounds, hopeful heart, I'll see you soon, and I will, because you're everything to me, what once was fun and games was just the start of the biggest mistake I've repeated time and time again, and I kept asking when will it end this lifeless routine, I've spent four years lost with regret and I'm sorry to say communication has only felt like a choir since I found myself crumbling from the habits that stole, everything you expected from me, the warmth of your eyes, a parents dream, well I'm done with killing time and wasting nights through something that numbs me, you gave my life back.
Tied down and torn, I watched my summer just pass me by, with those familiar feelings coming back to haunt, anxiety is building up, my minds in fucking pieces, and it gets harder every day, staring down at a loosened cast feeling like the next 8 months will never pass, something like this was long overdue, 'I should count myself lucky' through these years, all those times, my fears were only seconds behind, it finally caught me, and I've been longing ever since, just to feel a sense of progress, it's just so useless, I just can't take it anymore, I've been looking for ways to pass the time, since that day in June where it all went wrong, desperate to feel the slightest movement, and the streets passing beneath me, they've been the best years of my life, I know you think it isn't much, but nothing else comes close.
I lost my day to a ceiling view, with the same thoughts running through my mind, why do I do this to myself, each day descends beneath blue eyes, I cut myself to pieces every time I hear her voice, she whispers disappointment, as my heart begins to slow, I've been here too many times, I'm snapping all my fingers to the promises I break, so many wasted nights, when did I go wrong, the first few times felt so fucking good, but now I hate myself more every day, shards of glass drop through my veins, I can't pretend everything's ok anymore.
And so I felt like there was something to say, through all this silence but the words never reached my lips, I've spent enough time away trying to blank out those certain things, but I guess I never will, I can't get these thoughts out of my head, through sleepless hours tomorrow seems so far away, and it is, every night I lie awake, thinking about how things used to be and what I've become, it doesn't change a thing, it's been so long since then, can you see a difference? Am I lying to myself? So many questions, I'll never know, it's funny how quickly we forget, those little things that take us so long to find, we're destroying our own futures by not leaving what's dead behind, the gaps between are never short enough, it hurts to sing but these songs come from y heart, so if you know what I mean just leave it all behind, I'm leaving mine.
You're lying to yourself, just like you always have, the words you said never meant a thing, I could see it from the start, you just want attention, absent friends and enemies are all that's left in your life, everyday is like a knife cutting through your chest, constant frustration, you choked on the best years of your life, no love, no hate, no hope, all lies.
Wandering through these same old streets, with those bitter songs on repeat, thinking back through all these years what did it mean? It was everything, it's so much more than fists and phrases, it's a burning fight through life's changes, thinking back through these years, I wouldn't change a thing, it's burning inside, in these moments when we lose all hope, and those times when you think there's nothing left, there's so much more to this that you'll ever know, it picks us up from the moment we're thrown, so here's to the fight that kept us alive, here's to misled youth, here's to the rest of our lives.


Buy the CD/12" versions and more Dead Swans merch at B9Store.com/deadswans.

The band's followup to 2009's 'Sleepwalkers' is another set of relentless, intense hardcore likely to satisfy fans of American Nightmare, Rise and Fall, and 'Beat Goes On'-era Blacklisted.


released February 28, 2012


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Bridge Nine Records Boston, Massachusetts

Started in 1995, Bridge Nine is a label that specializes in hardcore punk, with close to 300 recordings in our catalog. Check us out and keep an eye out for updates!

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