Empty Days & Sleepless Nights

by Defeater

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1.
“Dear God, what have you done?” Those words ring loud in the back of your head That bottle lies in a thick, blood red “I ain’t no forgiver, forgetter” Our mother waits in vain for a God that never loved us. As much as she prayed, he never showed up “Dear God, where have you gone?” Your brother is gone in the blink of an eye That January night, our father lays cold “Where’re you going to go? You’re only seventeen years old “I ain’t no forgiver, forgetter” Those cold steel tracks beneath your feet Those same rail ties where you dodged those trains When we were just two kids, oh, it still feels the same That warm blood rush when the train comes “I ain’t no forgiver, forgetter” I will find you, put that vice to your head Again, and again, and again, and again, and again”
2.
Dear Father 02:51
Buried him in the cold wet ground Familiar faces would have made him proud The military and the working man The history of the life he lived “Can you feel that soil covering your coffin?” So, what are you gonna do? Be the hero that your father was Be the man he made you to be The war-torn stories that he told you You've got a hell of a lot to live up to An airborne man with a scar and a wound “Never make a promise that you can't prove” You are your father's son, dear father. "Where are you? You coward."
3.
As the waves crash, the clouds roll. Sit on the dock waiting for the sun Wait for the coward but he never comes Pray for revenge on him Steam rises as the boats come in, one by one You know she is gone and there’s no saving her Her cheating, her weak will, the addiction, that needle When you come home to find her lying on the floor You’re reminded of those sleepless nights that will haunt you for the rest of your life Blue collar shipyard, any way to keep her alive Sun up to sun down, sun up to sun down Blistered hands and a parched mouth.
4.
Empty Glass 03:31
The way she looked at you, tears streaming down her face You felt the brush of her dress as she walked away And that’s all that it took, sat down to buy her a drink An empty or a half full glass, it all goes down the same And that’s the way that it’s been Years later she took your name Hopeful and now unafraid Your gut sinks each time you see her Another night at the Copper Coin Tell me about the old days Another night at the Copper Coin Put the sun into the sea. Because there ain’t nothing like your smile, your legs and those eyes And I will beg and steal and borrow to keep you safe your whole life
5.
“Where were you every night I woke up alone?” Cold sweat keeps you up, “This ain’t no kind of home” “Come pick me up” “Damn those boys at the bar, damn the way that you drink” Cold sweat, sleepless nights, when your hands start to shake “Damn that pier where you sit, damn your vengeance for him There’s no bringing him back, your father is buried and dead But you can’t let go of that hero’s death You’ve been left with, left with this debt You couldn’t fight for your country And your mother is an addict” “How dare you?” “This ain’t no kind of home” “Damn that man that you humour Only wants one thing from you Damn those looks that you give him Parlour tricks and I’m played for the fool”
6.
You’re going to find him And make him pay Stumble out to the bar “Take one more look at her And it will be the end of your days You low-life bookie You don’t scare me I ain’t settling no debt I ain’t saving no face One more drink then I’m gone And then I’ll drag you out of this place” Put it down for the courage Your fists clench with the blood rush White knuckles when the hit lands Cold concrete and blurred vision Stumble home from the bar Stuttered steps home to your front door On the tip of your tongue, your remorse Shamed by the loss and defeat Shamed by your let down to her Same walk as that first night Now alone, you know that this ain’t right Better days and the promise you made Ain’t no man supposed to walk out that way Her ring lies in the thick red Your tears swell, and the room spins “Dear God, what have I done?” You left her And he took her He laid with her You bastard’s son With the blackout And the bloodstains Your teeth clench Then the pain comes
7.
Climb those cemetery walls again Leave these flowers at your headstone Climb those cemetery walls again Every night; can’t stand the sight of yourself “Now that you’re gone, what am I to do? But get lost in this bottle thinking of you” You drink till you’re sick “Trace the grooves in your stone” Plot where you’ll bury him The man that left you alone You drink till you’re sick, feel the dew in the grass As the sun’s coming up, watch a funeral pass And you think to yourself, “That should have been me” Two in the family plot, when you wish it were three.
8.
You sit, and you stir You grieve and you grieve The same chair as your old man Your mother’s worse than you think Sunken eyes and a withering frame The needle quiets the longing That poison, it fills her veins So quiet when the pain comes Your mother’s rosary ain’t bringing father home Blood rushes with cigarette burns There ain’t no God coming to save her So quiet as the clouds roll Your mother’s rosary wrapped on the bed post Blood rushes with cigarette burns Sit on that dock every night until your head hurts You sit, and you stir You grieve and you grieve The longer you sit at the ocean You lose more time than you think Your blood runs cold Wind biting under your coat Pull it tight to your chest Your mother is praying for death Much more than you know “You coward, this is your fault Our family has lost everything” Look down at your hands and your lit cigarette Put it to your lips and breathe it in Everything starts to fade and your body is numb And when you wake in the morning - you’re in the house all alone
9.
At Peace 03:16
He just sat at home with the bottle. His mother had turned into a skeleton of herself, no longer even able to get out of the house to fill up her arms; he had to make the runs for her. He didn’t mind anymore, he knew how she felt. Anything to take away the pain of losing someone. She would just sit with her rosary, rolling the beads in her tiny hands. Every time he left the house for his mother, or for another bottle, he would stand on that dock and watch the ocean like he used to. Scream out to no one for the coward to come home so he could make him pay. And every night he would start to fade with every hour that passed. He would smoke his last cigarette and find himself in the house in the morning not knowing how he got home. And one morning he woke to his mother and her rosary beads no longer hanging on the bedpost. You’ve got to find her Your mother ain’t fit to be alone Her rosary beads are gone, only one place she’d be The sun is nearly up, put your jacket back on And walk down the street Feel the wind start to shift, cold and biting Just like everything that’s changed When you do find her Take the only family that you’ve got back to home Head down, walk through the crowds, families downtown Jealous bitter old man, just yourself you can’t stand Man that took away your wife, coward left you behind Kill them both if you could Head down, cigarette in hand Concrete, cold brick and sand To the place where she prays, she suffers her days Sleepless nights with the dirt when the addiction hurts Up to that old white oak door church And that’s where you find her in that last pew You touch her cold hand Your mother is gone In front of her God, needle in her arm Family plot will be filled Perfect ending to a tragedy Put her in cold wet ground Finally at peace with her husband now Lost all will Hours strain, but months pass alone with your gun Blue-collar shipyard, your days have gone Lost it all for the promise of a normal life All taken from you when you lost your wife So you sit in that chair Waiting for death Barrel to your head
10.
Lost in your own head But then a knock at the door Put down that drink Your steps creaking the floor Go and get the gun Distract yourself from death Back against the door Your hands are starting to sweat Slowly cock the gun Slowly move to the side Slowly turn the handle Slowly open it wide Catch a glimpse of his face Your heart sinks in your chest Your hands start to shake Because you know it’s him Just the coward and you Standing silent, dead air So you pull him inside Into your father’s chair “Your mother is dead All thanks to you Her addiction got worse After you left, you damned fool What you did to our father I promised you’d pay up I’m going to take your life It don’t feel like enough” Cold steel to his head Walk him to his death Walk him down past the white oak doors Walk him out past the boardwalk, your old shipyard Pistol in his side, make him pay On the outskirts of town, pass the quarry now Walk him down to those cold steel tracks You stumble drunk with the gun in his back “Now get down on your knees On the tracks where you shamed me But this time, the dodge ain’t going to end so pretty Either a bullet or that train Steaming just ahead Is going to end your days You coward little kid” You sit and you stir While he waits for his death You’ll never forgive him And you never did forget He’ll never see the sun again Make him pay off his debt Stand on those tracks, cold steel under feet Barrel to his temple “Your addict mother, you will soon re-meet” Whisper in his ear, feel his whole body shake In an instant he’s got your arm, got your gun, held by his weight You feel the cold steel above and below Your stomach tie in knots as the train whistle blows Feel the warm of the blood where the barrel digs in From your cheek to your mouth, you taste the sweat and the tin You don’t cry, you don’t beg You’ve been waiting for this For the coward, or for death Just to see your wife again That train is so close, so loud and so clear Your hands stop shaking and it’s all that you hear Just like father “You took him If this is how it’s going to be I’d rather die at the hands of my own family”
11.
Unwanted, but breathing In the next room, sleeping My mother, she’s crying And my father’s been drinking In our run-down apartment Where the roof is still leaking He’s cursing and cussing It’s just the whiskey talking And I’ve got lots of memories like this one Of empty days and nights spent tired and lonesome When I think back… to all of it It’s all too much Oh it’s all too much when you’re just a little kid My little brother, just a newborn baby In the image of my mother, says he’s a blessing But not to my father, oh how he hates him “An undeserving mistake,” He calls him a burden And I’ve got lots of memories like this one Of picking sides and picking fights between them When I think back… to all of it Well, it’s all too much Well, it’s all too much when you’re just a little kid And when I wake up in the morning it all feels like a bad dream One that follows you and haunts you endlessly Yeah, haunts me endlessly Well, broken and beaten from the abuse and the cheating The addiction, and the lying and the promise of leaving While my old man was a bastard, I admired and loved him And us two kids, we were born in to a family, not a fortune, no
12.
Brothers 05:05
You need to get out of this house I’ll walk you down to town We’ll go act our age Kick rocks, waste summer days Penny candy at the general store I’d buy us a pop if I had more Keep walking inland all day Spitting and cursing each other’s name “Ain’t this what brothers are supposed to do?” The blood between us, makes it all but true So we roll on through Out past the quarries, sandpits too Swim out among the rocks and cliffs Ignorant youth keeps us from death Find our way out to the tracks The sun, it beats down on our backs Well, heaven help us if there’s a train Dodge it like the beaches of Normandy And we saw that smoke rising over trees And I swore, I swore, I swore that train was out for me So I held him tight and felt those tracks rumble underneath He swore, he swore if I didn’t let go he would knock me off my feet And that’s what he did
13.
I Don't Mind 03:48
Let's talk about the old days, Let's talk about your friends, Let's talk about the summer And how you wish it wouldn't end. Did I forget to tell you, How pretty you looked in that dress? In the first time that I saw you, You cleaned the mess from my head. And I don't mind, If we take our time. No, I don't mind. Lets go walking on the boardwalk, Dip our feet into the sea. Lets find ourselves lost for hours, Until we find ourselves a drink. Lets talk that sun into setting, Just need the sound of your voice. Need that calming and the comfort, Something to drown out the noise. And I don't mind, If we take our time, 'Cause I'm all yours If you're all mine. Something I've been meaning to tell you, About three years and a day. I'd very much like to get married, Maybe have kids and move away, 'Cause there ain't nothing like your smile, Your legs and those eyes. I will beg and steal and borrow To keep you safe your whole life.
14.
Headstone 02:58
Hello my dear It’s so nice to see you here How long has it been? Oh it feels like years But I’m sure it’s just been days Been walking around alone Drunk and missing you at home You know I’ll never feel the same Or ask another girl to take my name Think I’ve been stopping by too much Don’t want you to get sick of me On my way home from the Copper Coin It’s this or I jump into the sea And I will never forgive myself for not being there to protect you I should have been at home instead of out trying to forget you Just one fight and I’m out the door What kind of man am I? I swore I’d never leave your side Hello my dear It’s so hard to see you here How long has it been since we put you in the ground? Oh it feels like days, but it’s been years “Oh, and please don’t call me baby, it’s just too hard to hear Too hard to hear Leave you flowers at your headstone Just sit and talk to you my dear”

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Digital download of the album "Empty Days & Sleepless Nights" by DEFEATER. Features the 10 song "Empty Days" album and bonus acoustic 4 song "Sleepless Nights" EP.

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released March 8, 2011

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Bridge Nine Records Boston, Massachusetts

Started in 1995, Bridge Nine is a label that specializes in hardcore punk, with over 240 recordings in our catalog. Check us out and keep an eye out for updates!

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